Endometriosis: How far will you go to relate to your partner's sex life?

It's Endometriosis Awareness Month. The painful condition affects one in 10 women globally. It's known for causing painful periods, pelvic pain and dyspareunia – pain during and after sex

By Josefine Cook

It can be difficult for men to understand and know what painful sex feels like. Credit: Adobe Stock/Leonid

Funding has been invested into a controversial study looking at "the impact of endometriosis on male partners".

As feminists and #endosisters complain, we explore why men may not be able to relate to the consequences of regularly experiencing pain during sex.

Emmie McGee is a 23-year-old fashion illustrator based in London. She has been suffering from "excruciating pain" that comes with her endometriosis for almost 13 years.

Emmie McGee remembers her painful experiences every day. Credit: Josefine Cook

In the six years she's been sexually active, she hasn't had one pain-free experience.

She believes men will never be able to understand the impact of this, because "no matter what position you have sex in, the man will ultimately always have the power, and you will be vulnerable".

She explains that women "are literally opening up their body to someone, and letting them inside. That's the most personal act you can do with somebody. When it causes trauma, it will stick with you forever." 

Mr Fevzi Shakir is a consultant obstetrician, gynaecologist and endometriosis specialist. He says: "It is always difficult for someone to fully appreciate the impact something can have if they don't experience it themselves."

He believes the reason why dyspareunia is talked about more than other endometriosis symptoms is because "unlike painful periods, dyspareunia can affect women psychologically; it can have a negative effect on the relationship with their partner".

So how can we help men understand how experiencing pain instead of pleasure can affect a woman’s mental health and relationship to sex?

Some believe that for a man to understand what sex feels like for a woman, he must experience being sexually penetrated.

Fashion designer Tom Ford has famously suggested this: "It's such a vulnerable and passive position to be in. And there's such an invasion. There's a psyche that happens because of it that makes you understand and appreciate what women go through their whole life. It's not just sexual, it's a complete setup of the way the world works."

Perhaps if all heterosexual men tried playing the "vulnerable role" during sex, their perspective on life would be closer to women's.

Until then, they must keep trying to understand the consequences of dyspareunia.